Ups & Downs of Adoption

Before I go into too much detail for the adoption. I first want to say, I have a great set of friends. I couldn't have asked for a better set. I have been truly blessed with the best of the besties. I know only the Lord knows what will come about & he will be the one I lean on the most. I am thankful for him & for the friends that he has sent into my life to carry me through it all. That sounds like bad things are coming. I am trying not to sound like everything is horrible. But adoption has its ups & downs. Right now we are just in between. Let start with the 7th of June. The birthmother goes into get her cervix ripened. Which by the way, I think is the funniest sound thing in the world. It just makes me think she is a banana or a tomato or something. But she went in. They said that if she hit 4 cms then they will admit her. Well after putting 1/4 of tablet in her cervix & having her walk & walk, she only dilated to a nearly 3. So she was sent home & was instructed to return the next day and do it again. Well at about 2-3 in the morning she was having increased pain & her & her mom went to the hospital. I don't think she was a complete 4, but she was in a lot of pain & they admitted her. We got wind about 9 am, I think. It literally feels like years have gone by. But we were called again about 10 or 11 & was told she went from a 5 to a 7 & she was getting an epidural & to come to the hospital. We got there right after it was done & she was instructed to get some sleep. Her mother, Brad & I went to into the waiting room and hung out & talked. Finally she went back & checked on her daughter. In the mean time, I decided to take a picture of Brad & I waiting. I bring the camera out & lo & behold it doesn't work. We thought it was the batteries. Brad went & got the last of them at ANMC. Still the camera didn't work. Brad then went to Providence Hospital down the street & bought a disposable camera. Saved!!! Her mother came out with an update that the birthmother was at 9 cms. We waited some more. We were so bored. I wish we thought of bringing cards or something. They had nothing in the waiting room. Finally the time came & her mother came out & said that the birthmother had to be put onto all 4 to try to deliver & she didn't want me in there. Totally understood. I wouldn't want myself in there, if I was in her position. So I start pacing. Then about 20 minutes or so later. She came out & said that he was born. Brad & I go racing in there. There we saw the cutest & loudest baby ever. He had a great set of lungs. Brad & I were in just aw. I just started to cry & was excited for this little boy to come into our lives. The worst of it, was the poor birthmother was crying & I felt torn, because I didn't know exactly what she was crying about. They were having to message her fundus, because she was bleeding & she was crying out in pain. She was also yelling to get a picture of him, so she can see him. We finally were able to figure the phone out & get a good picture of him. Then the baby was brought to her & she yelled to see if we had held him yet. We said no, & she requested we hold him. So Brad was able to hold him first. It was great. What a sweet little face he had, with big cheeks. After him, then I held him. He was wide awake & just looking at everything. It was wonderful. Well they finished cleaning the birthmother up & we were able to talk to her. Oh, so the stats on the little, well not so little baby boy: 6-8-10

Aiden is 9 lbs & 10 oz, yes!!! and 20 1/2 inches long. He was a big baby. We couldn't believe it. Well that is what they get when they have her go over 2 weeks. Mamma Mia. But he came out wanting food as well. They had to do blood sugars because he was so big & that came back great & so he was presented his first bottle. At first he just kind of played with it & then he figured it out & he just sucked away. He ate & burped really well. In fact he even farted & I swear he smiled afterwards. But he did really well. After that they cleaned him up & him & the birthmother went to mother/baby. We stayed for a little longer & had to go home to tend to the puppies. That I night, I slept. I was exhausted. The next day, I puts around the house getting things done & just waiting to be able to go see little Aiden. We were able to go that night about 7 pm. While we were there the missionaries for LDS Family Services came by to discuss placement. It wasn't going to happen in the hospital, but at Baxter Chapel. Also we weren't going to sign anything bc she didn't have a photo id. So the next day were to meet the family at ANMC so they can use our car seat to take him to Baxter Chapel. The next we went to the hospital about 4ish & the birthmother was washing Aiden & getting him all cleaned up. When she came around the corner, she was crying & when she walked past me I felt so sorry for her. That I was going to be the one taking her baby from her. I truly felt that I was an enemy there. They never once made me feel that way, but we were going to be the ones raising him & we would be called mom & dad. It was just a certain feeling that is hard to explain. We finally got to Baxter Chapel for placement. The birthmother seemed very stoic to me & she cried. It seemed very hard for her. Like harder then she expected. She had a little bit of alone time & then she requested that she put him in the car seat & then put him in our car. Well she was able to put him in the car seat, but we ended up putting him in the car. We that was that & off we went to go home & start our new adventure. It was nuts knowing we had a little baby. We got home & introduced him to the Lucy & Abigail & they did so great. We held him for a little bit & then a good friend Jayci came over w/a very yummy meal & she held him for a little bit. When she left we put him in his swing & we had dinner. It was weird. Then we feed him & put him to bed. Then the fun began. I didn't sleep well because I was afraid I wouldn't hear him or I don't know. But I heard him just fine. He woke up about midnight wanting to eat. He also wet through his diaper. I had NB diapers & he really needed size ones. I planned on getting them the next day. We changed him & feed him. Oh he peed on Brad & himself. LOL:) He went back to sleep & I of course didn't sleep well. Next about 2:30-3:00 am he woke for more food & then he kind of went to sleep, but not really. He was using a pacifier & it would come out & I went in there to put it in. That went on for about 2-3 hours. Then he was awake & I feed & changed him & he then went in his swing so I could get a little bit more sleep. HAHAHAHA!!! Sleep that is a joke. Finally I got up & got ready for the day. Brad helped till about 3 am & he need to sleep bc he was going to work the next day. The next day I had a meeting to go to & then off to wal-mart to purchase size one diapers & other little stuff. This is were all the fun begins. We get there & my phone rings & it is our social worker in Seattle calling to tell us that the birthmother wanted him back because she had a horrible night & morning. She only wanted him till Tuesday. They wanted to bring him by at 6:30 pm that night, that was Friday. I go home & I call Brad & we both just started crying on the phone. Oh & we received his scores back from the Boise Fire Department. I asked if I could open them & he said no. I told him I couldn't handle two bad things in one day. Later that night two of my friends Jessy & Terra came over & gave us some yummy food, yet again. I told you I have some pretty amazing/great friends. We talked for a little bit & then Brad came home. Brad opened his test score while we sat on the stairs & he didn't pass. He needed a 89% & higher on the test & he got a 79%. We cried some more. I told him I hope the bad things don't happen in threes. We decided to give Aiden a bath & he did not like that one bit. We cleaned him up & put some fresh clothes on him & fell right to sleep on Brad's chest. It was so darling. Then we were off. To tell you the truth, I didn't know what to expect. We didn't know if they wanted to see us or what. We got there the same time as them. They came up to us & we talked. They told us that we would get him back on Tuesday morning. The birthmother just needed sometime with him alone & to say good-bye. She didn't get that in the hospital. Totally understood. They put him in the car seat they got him & they were off. I felt confident it would be that way. It was a great meeting. Her family is really nice & I like the birthmother. She is very nice & funny. I understand this is what she needs to go through. Adoption is a grieving process for the birthmother. After that we went to the movies w/my sister-in-law & my nieces. We saw Letters to Juliet. So cute. Then we went home & I slept! The next day her mother called & left a message on our phone telling us not to get discourage that we will get him back on Tuesday. It was great to hear from her. Now we wait some more. My whole life has been a waiting game. Come Tuesday morning I hope she can do it. I try not to doubt that it won't happen. It is hard. I think about him every second of the day, hoping & praying he is doing well. I ache for him. I do know he is in good hands. The birthmother & her mother are great people. They have a great family. I am happy that we know them. This just has been a challenge & hope it will end on Tuesday.

I am thankful for Brad & having great patience for this. He is amazing. He is the best. He is so good with him & you can see the pride in his eyes when he hold him. I know the birthmother will make the best choice for Aiden. I couldn't image what she is going through. Just think if you were to give one of your children away right after birth. I am sure it will be one of the most difficult things she will go through. She is a hero. She gave him life & giving him so much more. I wish you could all meet her. She is so fun. I hope the next post will be he is home again. I will be impressed if anybody reads this entire post. It is a bit long. So I will end it now. Thank you to all the prayers & support. You are all amazing & I love you & thank you.