Free Agency

Is a gift from God to chose for ourselves what we want to do. There are blessings when we choose the right & then there are consequences when we don't. It is a great gift & sometimes I just want to take away certain peoples free agency. Well. Where do I begin. Last night we hadn't heard from the birthmother Esther, so I decided to text her mother. Asked how things were going & wanted to give Esther & Aiden there space. I ended with is Esther ready for tomorrow morning. Then about an hour or so later we heard from our social worker. She says that Esther can't picture her life with out Aiden. Esther did talk with the social worker & I don't know exactly what was said. She was given people to talk to that have placed their children up for adoption. But it is still Esther's choice. So now we have to go through life that this adoption is over, unless Esther changes her mind. Which we are still hoping for, but again she is the one that needs to make that decision. Believe me you, Brad & I are livid. I would love to smack her & tell her to snap out of it. The thing is, Esther is not a bad person. She is very nice & a great person. She isn't scary or weird. She just had a baby & I am sure the hormones are going crazy. She didn't prepare for this, AT ALL!!! I knew this was going to happen. I told Brad over & over again, that Esther has no idea what she is getting herself into. She reassured us throughout everything that she was going to place. She said she is stubborn & when she makes her mind up, she follows through. She didn't see this coming.
It will take time for Brad & I to get over this. In fact we will talk about this for a long time. They talk about the birthmother having to grieve loosing a child through adoption, but no one thinks that the adoptive parents have to grieve over returning the child. We had a great night with him & we wanted more. Brad was more attached then me. He was so excited. He can't wait to be a dad. He will be the best one out there. It broke my heart to tell him. We will get through this. We feel bad for the next birthmother who chooses us. Because we have now been jaded twice & the next one we'll believe it when it happens. In fact we will announce we adopted when the kid graduates high school. The sad thing is we will probably never hear from the birthmother. I really hope she changes her mind. I hope & pray that she truly thinks about Aiden's needs before her own. Also, if she decides to keep him. I want the name back. I know that is horrible to say. But that is how I feel.
We pray for Esther & that she will get through this. I know the Savior loves her & is with her. I can't image what she is going through or what her family is going through as well. But we will get through this & will adopt again. Again, we won't lie, we do want Aiden. We also pray for Aiden and that he is doing well & growing & developing.
We thank everyone who has been there for us & have prayed for both Brad & I, & especially for Esther. This is not the end.