9/15/09

My Uncle Art's birthday, my original due date, but came early AND the day that the birth mother gave birth to a little boy. The adoption is over. We are not adopting. It is over. Well this one. We are on to our next adventure of adoption. We have our last interviews on Thursday & then they will check everything over & that will be it & we go live & anybody can see our profile. Maybe we will get a call from Hawaii or something. Darn. Actually if we adopt out of state, we hope it is near family because we will probably stay in that state for about 2-3 weeks until the state will let the baby go to Alaska.
So back to this adoption. We actually found out through the great vine. Even to this day, no body has official said she gave birth. We have no idea if she kept him or chose another couple. In fact things that were leading up to that day were fun. Where we left off was waiting to hear back from her agency to see if they would work with us. Well a little over a week they finally responded & told us that they will release her (as if she is a prisoner) if we can give them our documents in like 10 minutes. I was like OK. I called my agency, of course around closing time, and asked them to do that. The secretary was so nice & was getting right on it. Nicki our social worker told us that we would have to sign release of information. I was like that is fine. So it would take a day or two & I let the other agency know that. Also LDSFS was reluctant to give them my information, because one if they are going to release her then they don't need it & two that is some really personal information. Well I can understand why they needed it, because they represented her still & wanted to make sure we were legit people. Then I thought about it, because the birth mother to this day, has not written us or anything. We had no idea if she knew what was going on exactly. So I wrote her agency & asked. Never heard back. In fact I even wrote them & said I heard that she had her baby & still nothing. OK. So on Wednesday I was driving home & was praying. I love that time in the car when it is silent & no body is around & you can have a REAL discussion with Heavenly Father. I asked him what should I do. I want to write her & just lay it out there. I prayed really hard & knew that I needed to write her one last letter. I got home & I wrote. I told her if this isn't a good experience for you, then stay with your agency & choice another couple. I encouraged her to pray about it & if she knew that we were the ones for her son then to fill out the paperwork for LDSFS. I wrote that if she chooses another couple, there would be no hard feeling. I told her that we appreciated meeting her & that we basically wished her the best of luck. We did tell her that we would love to adopt him & he would be loved. There was more to the letter, but that was the just of it. I sent it out Wednesday night & Thursday afternoon I found out from a dear friend that she had her baby. I knew then it was over. I will not lie I went through denial, crying & anger in like 3.3 seconds. I am still a little angry. I don't know at who or what. I think I just need closer, either knowing she kept him or chose another couple. I am sorry that it ended this way. But to tell you the truth I had a feeling it wasn't going to happen. You can ask my family & some of my friends & they will tell you that I said that from the beginning. I just had the notion. I also had that notion she was going to go early. I didn't want to sit on it with having to deal with both agencies & trying to get things done. She was due soon & needed to get the ball going. I also wrote the letter with hopes that if she didn't chose us, then she would have enough time to chose another couple & feel comfortable about it. If she kept him, I wish her the very best as a single mother. If she choose another couple, they are very lucky.
But that is the latest & greatest from our end. I know I always say there is a plan forever body & I know that. I will admit, I wish I had more control of that. But one thing I learned was to put it in the Lord's hands. He knows the whole picture. We did everything we could do get this beautiful baby in our house, but we can only do so much. I still want answers that I may never get. But I do know that there are little spirits waiting to come into our home. We can't wait to be parents & hope we do a good job.